Saturday, October 10, 2015


My last post (seems like years ago) was about a truck driver treating me like a fragile doll.  He came back to the store a few days ago. And literally said to me, in front of my (male) GM and (male) Supervisor, "Hey baby doll, can you fill my jug with some cold water?" "Oh sure."

Anyway, it's been forever. I'm basically in the depths of hell emotionally. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm just falling apart. I'm trying to force myself to do shit and it's realllllly not working. I have so much laundry; I get through one load and then just stop caring.

My depressed state is actually pretty bad right now. Like, really bad.

Monday, August 3, 2015

I am not a baby doll or a princess

The interaction with our delivery driver...

Him: Hi Princess, where are all the men?
Me: This is all you get. No men here today.

Proceeds to treat me like a weakling, won't let me do anything that I've been doing for nearly a year in this position, and calls me "baby doll" the entire time.

Kill me.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

I Put On Pants Today

I decided to put on different clothes's been a few days. Depression rocks.

Ugh. Weekends. Bittersweet.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

F*$#ing Hell

I am so over this whole bullshit life. I go to a doctor to try to make things better and get a genetic test. Well, there goes another $1000. Might as well stop trying to fix things.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Me On An Elliptical For The First Time

Minute 1: This isn't so bad.

Minute 5: Ok, maybe I'm trying too hard.

Minute 10: I can not do this, omg the sweat is pouring into my eyes.

Minute 15: Ok, halfway...

Minute 17: Who cares about halfway? Screw this.

Minute 20: Like, seriously my feet are falling legs are burning. I'm sweating a lot.

Minute 23: Whatever, there's only seven minutes left.


Minute 29: If I go faster will the time go faster?

Minute 30: Can't wait to do it again.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

It's Fun To Stay At The YMCA

Ok. So, I"m quite neglectful of this, but I shouldn't be. Because I need to hold myself accountable in some way. Even if only strangers read this, and even if they are dicks, then whatever. At least someone will have fun.

I joined the Y. I am super stoked. I am on some serious medications to help me out with the mental part of life, so I should start working on the physical part. I've been sleeping less - which is actually a good thing - which means I've been able to do shit during waking hours.

Started doing mandalas. Made a bitchin' workout playlist. Made a work out journal to track progress and stuff. Working on making a completely awesomesauce gym bag. Getting ready to take on the world.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Celebrating the Anniversary of My Escape From The Womb

A Birthday Story

Five years ago I went on a first date with someone I had known for over a year, but hadn't really thought of as anything but an acquaintance. He took me to the casino - a favorite hobby of his - and we were both so incredibly shy that we barely spoke on the drive about anything but meaningless small talk. He handed me a card, and blushing, couldn't make eye contact. After an hour or so, my blood sugar dropped and I thought I was going to puke but didn't want to ruin the night. He finally got it out of me, and then bought me a Snickers and a Coke. As we both loosened up a little bit, we started to make jokes and even have a bit of fun losing money. On the ride home, we stopped at Arby's and had a small dinner of beef 'n' cheddars; we even picked one up for the dog. When we got back to his house, we again sat silently next to each other watching Frasier. That was the night of my first real kiss - none of that college drunk make out with friends crap.

Sometimes I can't believe everything we've gone through...even if the events seem meaningless to everyone else. I never thought someone would tell me that they love me the way that he tells me. I never thought someone would like me for who I am - what I look like, where I work, all the crap - but he has never once asked me to change anything. I never thought I could trust someone the way that I trust him with some of my secrets. I guess I never even thought someone could be so damn sweet about things that other people might not give a shit about at all. I never thought I would love someone the way I love him. Right now, I would do anything I could for him.

And that is about as sappy as I will ever be about him. And I don't have many pictures of the two of us, and in this particular one, my head is cut off. But whatever.