Saturday, October 10, 2015


My last post (seems like years ago) was about a truck driver treating me like a fragile doll.  He came back to the store a few days ago. And literally said to me, in front of my (male) GM and (male) Supervisor, "Hey baby doll, can you fill my jug with some cold water?" "Oh sure."

Anyway, it's been forever. I'm basically in the depths of hell emotionally. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm just falling apart. I'm trying to force myself to do shit and it's realllllly not working. I have so much laundry; I get through one load and then just stop caring.

My depressed state is actually pretty bad right now. Like, really bad.

Monday, August 3, 2015

I am not a baby doll or a princess

The interaction with our delivery driver...

Him: Hi Princess, where are all the men?
Me: This is all you get. No men here today.

Proceeds to treat me like a weakling, won't let me do anything that I've been doing for nearly a year in this position, and calls me "baby doll" the entire time.

Kill me.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

I Put On Pants Today

I decided to put on different clothes's been a few days. Depression rocks.

Ugh. Weekends. Bittersweet.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

F*$#ing Hell

I am so over this whole bullshit life. I go to a doctor to try to make things better and get a genetic test. Well, there goes another $1000. Might as well stop trying to fix things.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Me On An Elliptical For The First Time

Minute 1: This isn't so bad.

Minute 5: Ok, maybe I'm trying too hard.

Minute 10: I can not do this, omg the sweat is pouring into my eyes.

Minute 15: Ok, halfway...

Minute 17: Who cares about halfway? Screw this.

Minute 20: Like, seriously my feet are falling legs are burning. I'm sweating a lot.

Minute 23: Whatever, there's only seven minutes left.


Minute 29: If I go faster will the time go faster?

Minute 30: Can't wait to do it again.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

It's Fun To Stay At The YMCA

Ok. So, I"m quite neglectful of this, but I shouldn't be. Because I need to hold myself accountable in some way. Even if only strangers read this, and even if they are dicks, then whatever. At least someone will have fun.

I joined the Y. I am super stoked. I am on some serious medications to help me out with the mental part of life, so I should start working on the physical part. I've been sleeping less - which is actually a good thing - which means I've been able to do shit during waking hours.

Started doing mandalas. Made a bitchin' workout playlist. Made a work out journal to track progress and stuff. Working on making a completely awesomesauce gym bag. Getting ready to take on the world.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Celebrating the Anniversary of My Escape From The Womb

A Birthday Story

Five years ago I went on a first date with someone I had known for over a year, but hadn't really thought of as anything but an acquaintance. He took me to the casino - a favorite hobby of his - and we were both so incredibly shy that we barely spoke on the drive about anything but meaningless small talk. He handed me a card, and blushing, couldn't make eye contact. After an hour or so, my blood sugar dropped and I thought I was going to puke but didn't want to ruin the night. He finally got it out of me, and then bought me a Snickers and a Coke. As we both loosened up a little bit, we started to make jokes and even have a bit of fun losing money. On the ride home, we stopped at Arby's and had a small dinner of beef 'n' cheddars; we even picked one up for the dog. When we got back to his house, we again sat silently next to each other watching Frasier. That was the night of my first real kiss - none of that college drunk make out with friends crap.

Sometimes I can't believe everything we've gone through...even if the events seem meaningless to everyone else. I never thought someone would tell me that they love me the way that he tells me. I never thought someone would like me for who I am - what I look like, where I work, all the crap - but he has never once asked me to change anything. I never thought I could trust someone the way that I trust him with some of my secrets. I guess I never even thought someone could be so damn sweet about things that other people might not give a shit about at all. I never thought I would love someone the way I love him. Right now, I would do anything I could for him.

And that is about as sappy as I will ever be about him. And I don't have many pictures of the two of us, and in this particular one, my head is cut off. But whatever.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

I'm Trying

Ok, it has been seriously so long since I even considered giving a shit about making my life better. It's actually gone the completely opposite way...I haven't cleaned anything in weeks. I have been in and out of the doctor's office. I'm on three medications daily, four on Fridays...I'm just in a miserable mood 98% of the time, so I didn't want to share it with the internet.

I keep telling myself that I will crochet again and work on a scrapbook or start doing more photography again. I set everything up and boom...desire has left the building. I did a 5K a couple weeks ago (the first of like 7 that I'm signed up for this year...insanity) and DID bring myself to scrapbook it. I have pictures of my other two to scrapbook also, but I really can't bring myself to get out of bed a lot of the time.

Seriously considering signing up for yet another one, because I need something else to look forward to. I'm actually doing another one in a couple hours.

Then there's my job, which at this point is more like high school. I have been seriously considering packing up and moving. I'm not sure where I'd go...or what I'd do.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Sorry About My Absence

I have been suffering from extreme exhaustion and have been putting everything else in life aside. All my energy has been put into blood tests, x rays, and doctor's visits.

I'll try to get back on top of things soon.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Kitchen Is Almost Done!

We have been working really well with keeping up with the dishes and keeping the counter decluttered! Proud of us all.

Well, this weekend's project is the fridge/freezer. We have a giant freezer full of meat, and then a little one attached to our fridge. I'm not going through the big one. I don't even go in there for food or anything, so I'm certainly not going to try to organize the thing that makes complete sense to my father.

So yeah, disorganized. Where's that yogurt? I dunno, shoved on that second shelf probably...

Where's the spray butter for popcorn? Not with the other butter...where it would make sense.
Oh, there's the spray butter...with the other butters. The condiments are together (except horseradish...that is hidden in the depths of the bottom most drawer because that stuff is awful and gross and awful) and the yogurts are all together. The drinks are altogether. It makes sense to me now. And I mean, there's a whole empty shelf there now. What??? I know.

I also ended up with some containers that I washed out and can now use for other things. Like, making my own pickles (I'M WAY TOO EXCITED FOR THIS) and some taco seasoning and leftovers. But that's for another post!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Gardening Obsession Begins

Ok, so there was like no way in hell I was going to be able to wait to plant something. I mean, Donny bought me a greenhouse...

And thus I bought seeds for 25 cents a packet (like 20). And potting soil. And starter cells. And larger clay pots for transplantation. And a set of gardening tools. And I went crazy, ok.

But, joke's on all those people that said I was crazy for planting things in January. Because dammit I have Thyme. It's been five freakin' days. AND I HAVE GROWTH!!!

He's a little guy. But he's there!
So, we can always dry all these herbs that I've planted. And use them all year round. And because I'm insane, I started looking up homemade spaghetti sauce and salsa recipes. I am literally so excited to have this tiny ass seedling in my life.

I have been using diluted green tea as my watering method. In case anyone cares. :)

Cleaned Out the Spice Rack!

Here I am. So frickin excited to tackle two jobs that should never have to be done. Me cleaning out the spice rack and cleaning off the microwave stand. Why? Because who thinks about ever cleaning out their spice rack? But the decluttering website said it and I did it. And I have to say, it looks fantastic. :)

Which brings us to the photos. They aren't the best quality because I was using my iPad which either doesn't have a flash or I haven't figured out how to use it yet (lol...).

I'm also pretty terrible at formatting this blog so my pictures aren't all wonky formatted.

Then there was the dreaded microwave stand. Basically the place we store every single thing that comes into the kitchen that we don't feel like dealing with. The purple bin ($1 at Dollar Tree!) is for my mail. We have a lot of garbage to burn now.

Saturday, January 24, 2015


So, I think I forgot to say where my decluttering inspiration came from. And I'm legit too lazy to go back and read 8 posts to see if I did. But....

There ya go. That's where!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Big Weekend Plans

I have so much planned for this weekend like cleaning and watching Netflix things. I have a bunch of photos on my gardening progress because we started our garden because we're crazy. It's only January, I know. We bought a greenhouse...

And other goal updates. And woo.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Kitchen Continues

During the first full week of the challenge, I was supposed to clear off the sink area and counters. That didn't happen. However, it did happen later.

Here is my disgusting cluttered counter:

Here is my new pretty counter:
Upper shelves and microwave
cubby not worked on yet. :)

My roommate (dad) is planning on building a box for his wooden spoons & spatulas. I also want to hang a hook thing above the sink so we can hang our oven mitts up there instead of stacking them on the sugar/flour canisters.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

The Cleaning of The Stove Top

Oops, guess it's been a few (nine) days since I posted. Here's what I've been hard at work doing:

This was my stove top at 10am this morning:
The meat doesn't always hang out there, that's tomorrow's dinner defrosting. However, the pots and pans on the stove. Oh yeah. That's how we store them.

After we got those dishes washed and put where they actually go:

 Note the disgusting, go ahead and judge me filth covering it.
And finally with the help of a Mr. Clean magic eraser:

We have peace.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Week 1 Decluttering Update

It's Wednesday, so how about a midweek update on the goings on around here. So far the challenge has been kitchen drawers (and today is sink area, but....ugh).

Our silverware drawer came pre-sectioned so we don't really have a problem keeping up with that. The other drawer though...Christ. We should've just thrown it all away and started over. I found a patching kit for an inner tube I had back when I was like 12. Empty battery box! Wahoo. I put some loose batteries in a small basket and that's about all that I could do. Threw out the trash and just made it look somewhat presentable, assuming you don't pull the drawer out the full way.

Anyway, the sink area. Ever see Hoarders? We never do dishes...we will wash the dish/pan/fork that we need in the moment, but yeah...That's going to take me longer than anything else.

Side rant:

I have a problem. It's called e-hoarding. Seriously. At nearly any given moment I have over 50 emails in my inbox (except right now cause I did a super purge).

If I'm in a store, and they ask for my email, I usually give it and just pretend like I don't know it's going to clutter up my inbox. Then four days later when I have 124 emails from that store about a sale that I will never go to, I get aggravated for signing up. Hell, the company I work for sends probably ten per day. I know that this stupid thing is on sale...I sell it. I'm probably the one who stocked the shelves. Oh! Coupon for this thing the warehouse sent us 2 of and we sold out on the first day of the sale. Thanks! I'll file that in the 'pointless shit' folder.

I probably have over 400 emails in my "archive." Cause, I mean, yeah I'll totally need that e-receipt for the soda I bought at K-Mart in 2010, but I don't want to actually see it in my inbox. Spam folder? Yeah, I'll get on that some day....after 30 days I think it empties itself. So why bother?

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Bonus Goal!

I've also decided to be a very active participant in my mother's community garden. (Community actually just means that she and her husband do all the work and everyone else around them reaps the benefits). I've started planning a layout and list of veggies we should grow.  Ken also wants to start an herb garden. His ground is much too rocky to grow much.

We've already planned on 200lbs of red potatoes. One row each of zucchini and cucumber. I want carrots. In the past, broccoli was very small, but still tasted fine. Hopefully I can convince them to do that too. Everyone enjoys a good fried green tomato, so I'm thinking two rows of those too.

There is this awesome site I found that lets me change around the layout and whatnot. They also have blueberry bushes, a pear tree and an apple tree. Raspberry and blackberry bushes are all over in the woods surrounding their house, so I'm hoping for some homemade pies this year...mmmm.

Goals 3 & 4

Goal 3: Declutter

I have a problem. I keep everything. Bought a soda from work three months ago. Don't believe me? I have the receipt to prove it! I have birthday cards from 2004. I don't know why. But I do. SO. I decided to get rid of all that stupid paper that's just sitting around taking up space. I just move it from one side of my desk to the other. I got a shredder for $4 on clearance. Time to make it work. Also, I just basically have shit everywhere. I'm lazy. I'll say it. That's always the first step to fixing your problems: admitting that you have one.

My car looks like a garbage can. Soda bottles, receipts, socks, take-out God it's a disaster. Need a ride? Too bad. Unless you can contort to the size of my purse and ride in there. My excuse right now, is that I don't want to clean out my car in the subzero temperatures where after a couple minutes I can't feel or bend my fingers, even in gloves.  (And let's be honest, watching American Horror Story while wrapped up in a fleece blankey is just way more fun)

Both my house and my car are way too embarrassing to post "before" photos until I get to the "after." It'll be like you aren't even looking at the same things.

I'm also attempting to keep my email below 100 emails/day. I'm subscribed to so many stupid things because stores insist on emailing you every ten minutes about deals. I've been to your store once, to buy a candy bar while waiting for my shopping companion to finish.

Goal 4: Focus on Health

I don't want to say "lose weight!" because that is a surefire way for me to fail. I want to eliminate the fast food during work. Maybe take my own food, leftovers, etc. I want to eat breakfast everyday to give my slower than molasses metabolism a quick boost and I won't binge at lunch time. I want to eat snacks throughout the day when I feel hunger - string cheese, apples, nuts - to prevent binging also.

I want to do yoga at LEAST three times a week. Every day would be amazing, but again, I'm lazy. I need to start small.

Some other things I want to do:
  • floss more
  • walk more (park further away from the door of places)
  • see a doctor when I feel deathly ill***
  • lower soda intake (god that's a toughy)
  • take my medication on schedule

***You would think this is common sense...I avoid doctors like you wouldn't even imagine. I don't know why, but my pulse races and I feel like I will vomit when I'm in the waiting room. I love my doctor, there's nothing wrong with's nothing like that. I'm just crazy.

Friday, January 2, 2015

January Decluttering - Week 1

Well ok..."week" is a strong word. It's been two days. But it is the end of the work week for me, thus it is the end of the first week of 2015.

So I'm doing this. Which can be shortened to 52-Week Decluttering Challenge.

Day 1 was to make a donation station. (Which I quickly thereafter sang to the tune of School House Rock's Conjunction Junction). I would post a picture of my progress, but it is literally just a tote with a homemade label that says "Donate."

Day 2 was to make a home binder. I started this a few weeks before I saw the decluttering challenge. I had to print some pages out at work because my $20 clearance printer only prints in black and some just looked so much better in color. So at this point, all I have to do is hole punch some of them and organize them into a method that makes sense.

Tomorrow's daily event is to make a daily to-do template. Which I already have from the wonders of Google & Pinterest. So I guess I'm done with that too.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Goals 1 & 2

Goal 1: Finishing Things With Meaning

Is it going to mean anything if I finish crocheting that baby blanket for a child entering kindergarten? Not really. Unless that kid wants to give it to her doll...

That's what I mean by finishing things with meaning. I fell in love with scrapbooking awhile ago. (For some's like the most time consuming and expensive hobby I could've chosen) I have three of them sitting around that only have a few pages left and I want to finish them. I enjoy going through and thinking about the memories. But that enjoyment is ruined when I get to a blank page with a post it that says "ferry ride."

I also have a few other projects that are half-assed and they stare at me while I sleep. I step over them. I move them around to do other things. Why don't I just sit down and finish them instead? I wish I knew. But I'm going to try.

I also have a very strange issue with closure on TV shows. There are so many shows that I've dedicated hours and hours of my time to watching only to not watch the last couple episodes or season. This is a long list, so I will spare you the details until I finish them. I have a very long Netflix queue and I hope to whittle it down to less than 100...God willing.

Goal 2: Start A Savings Plan

I am terrible at saving money. Like, terrible doesn't even really begin to describe how bad I am at it. I want to do things that are fun. I want to be able to go to Greece and I want to buy a house eventually. I already put a small amount from each paycheck into a savings account, but it's not really helping me get anything accomplished. I always use half my tax return to pay off some debt and the other half goes into savings...

That is, it goes there until I come up with something better to do with the money. Like splurge at the mall. Thus, I looked around on Pinterest, and there were a lot of posts about a 52-week savings plan.  I haven't started yet, but I haven't even been paid this year yet so that is my excuse. This is the general idea:

Mission: Life

Here it is, another year where I tell myself that I'm going to make all these resolutions to make my life better and then in ten days (if that), I will just simply go on living the same pathetically depressing life as before.

A few goals (not resolutions, because 'goal' sounds better to me) of mine are:
  1. Finish things with meaning
  2. Start a savings plan
  3. Declutter the shit out of my home & car
  4. Focus more on health
I will go more into depth on all these later. They are in no particular order and I will post progress reports & photos and links to my inspiration/sources.  I want this year to be the year that I finally accept that this is it. This is the only life I get and I need to start doing something so I can enjoy it.