Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Celebrating the Anniversary of My Escape From The Womb

A Birthday Story

Five years ago I went on a first date with someone I had known for over a year, but hadn't really thought of as anything but an acquaintance. He took me to the casino - a favorite hobby of his - and we were both so incredibly shy that we barely spoke on the drive about anything but meaningless small talk. He handed me a card, and blushing, couldn't make eye contact. After an hour or so, my blood sugar dropped and I thought I was going to puke but didn't want to ruin the night. He finally got it out of me, and then bought me a Snickers and a Coke. As we both loosened up a little bit, we started to make jokes and even have a bit of fun losing money. On the ride home, we stopped at Arby's and had a small dinner of beef 'n' cheddars; we even picked one up for the dog. When we got back to his house, we again sat silently next to each other watching Frasier. That was the night of my first real kiss - none of that college drunk make out with friends crap.

Sometimes I can't believe everything we've gone through...even if the events seem meaningless to everyone else. I never thought someone would tell me that they love me the way that he tells me. I never thought someone would like me for who I am - what I look like, where I work, all the crap - but he has never once asked me to change anything. I never thought I could trust someone the way that I trust him with some of my secrets. I guess I never even thought someone could be so damn sweet about things that other people might not give a shit about at all. I never thought I would love someone the way I love him. Right now, I would do anything I could for him.

And that is about as sappy as I will ever be about him. And I don't have many pictures of the two of us, and in this particular one, my head is cut off. But whatever.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

I'm Trying

Ok, it has been seriously so long since I even considered giving a shit about making my life better. It's actually gone the completely opposite way...I haven't cleaned anything in weeks. I have been in and out of the doctor's office. I'm on three medications daily, four on Fridays...I'm just in a miserable mood 98% of the time, so I didn't want to share it with the internet.

I keep telling myself that I will crochet again and work on a scrapbook or start doing more photography again. I set everything up and boom...desire has left the building. I did a 5K a couple weeks ago (the first of like 7 that I'm signed up for this year...insanity) and DID bring myself to scrapbook it. I have pictures of my other two to scrapbook also, but I really can't bring myself to get out of bed a lot of the time.

Seriously considering signing up for yet another one, because I need something else to look forward to. I'm actually doing another one in a couple hours.

Then there's my job, which at this point is more like high school. I have been seriously considering packing up and moving. I'm not sure where I'd go...or what I'd do.